britta//unfiltered

Almost two months ago (which is crazy – two months ago already?!) I posted about getting ready to live with your significant other, including how to decide that you’re ready for such a big step, how important it for both people to feel like it’s “their” home, finding the right apartment, maintaining alone time and discussing finances. Sheesh – I had a lot to say when all we had accomplished was *finding* the place. Fast forward two months: we are now fully moved in and have spent the last two weeks as official roommates Here’s round two of my tips for moving in with your significant other – which are mostly applicable to moving in with any roommate!

• Have a plan for packing and moving. B and I tried to do as much as possible ahead of time in terms of packing boxes and planning the  moved. We moved smaller loads to the new apartment using our own cars, then pre-loaded his parent’s trailer the night before schlepping it over to the new place the next morning. When you break it up into smaller chunks, the job seems more manageable.
• Remember that moving sucks for everyone. I got a teny-bit princess-like a few times during the move because it felt like such a long move to me – I started moving things to B’s old apartment in the beginning of May, finished moving out of my apartment in Madison over two trips back home after graduation (with no help… although I didn’t ask for any ), lived out of boxes/my car for 6 weeks, then re-packed my car again for the final trip up to the Cities in the end of June. Phew. I promise I’m done whining about it now, for good. Anyway – I had a few moments where I took out the stress on B, and I shouldn’t have. Moving sucked for him, too, and it definitely wasn’t fun for his parents, who were nice enough to volunteer to drive a truck and trailer all the way up from our hometown to help us move. I tried to keep in mind that I was lucky to have help at all, and that we were all in it together. It’s worth remembering when the “OH MY GOD I HATE MOVING” moments strike – because they always do.
• Unpacking – split up the work and do it fast. This strategy worked for us. Again, unpacking sucks so you might as well accept that and get it over with. We laid out (mostly ahead of time using our floor plan) where we were going to put everything, then each worked out the boxes we had packed of our “own” stuff. Even though we were exhausted, we unpacked about 80% of our stuff in the first two or three days after moving. If you wait too long – it’s just Newton’s laws of motion . An object at rest tends to stay at rest. We’re about 90% unpacked now, and that last 10% is on my list before I start work next week. Also – don’t be afraid to throw stuff away at *any* point during moving. Anything you don’t use, haven’t used for a year, and won’t use in the next year – toss it.
• It’s okay to set some rules and split up the chores. I usually cook, B cleans up after we eat. The den is a no-clothes-on-the-floor zone (he has the weirdest tendencies of putting his shirts everywhere… and he has already broken this rule today. Heh.). My laptop has a “home” and it’s supposed to live there (still working on that one – I leave it laying on the couch, on the counter, you name it. Drives B crazy!). Try to be open about what drives you crazy or when you feel like you are doing more work, and set a “rule” you can agree on to fix it.
• Again –make the apartment feel like “ours”. We have tried to make decisions together on decorating, furniture placement, groceries and closet space. Even if you are moving into an apartment or home where the other person already lives, it’s important for both people to feel like they live there and aren’t just a long-term guest.
• Share the expenses. The rule on this one is “do what works” (ala Get Rich Slowly) but make sure both people (or all roommates if you are moving into a multi-person situation!) are comfortable with how money is being spent on community space and objects. Here’s what worked for us:

  Since we found our apartment and started shopping for items for it (bedding, décor, etc.), we have been keeping every receipt. We tried to split the immediate costs by taking turns paying for items, with the understanding that we would “even out” in the end.  We’ve been doing the same with shared groceries  and restaurants, and we are planning to keep those receipts to compare prices at the different stores we shop at and try to be more cost-conscious about our food expenses. Yesterday, we compiled a spreadsheet with 2 tabs. One on tab, we listed each of these purchases including date, location, purchase description, total cost and which of us paid. Then we created a “pivot table” (google this if you don’t know how – it isn’t as scary as it seems!) that lists how much each of us has spent on shared expenses and breaks that total down by category (Ours so far: apartment purchases, groceries, entertainment).  We are also using a salary-based ratio to “adjust” this total – the same idea many couples use in contributing a percentage of each of their salaries to a shared expense account.I also recently posted about tracking your expenses and how to use Mint’s personal finance software. B and I both use Mint to get an overview of our personal finances, and we went back and re-categorized our individual accounts to help us track shared expenses relative to our individual finances (basically making our Mint categories follow the same category system of our shared-expenses tracker). I’ll be writing another post soon on budgeting – I’ll should be able to be more comprehensive and informative on that topic once I have received a few paychecks and have a better idea of my income versus expenses

• Learn how to have alone time, and don’t be afraid to schedule separate trips. B and I have dated over a long distance for most of our adult (post-high school for me ) relationship, and we were in the mentality of  make every minute we have together count! Since we moved in together, we have many more opportunities to spend time together, so we have cutting back on “special occasion” behavior like going out for tons of dinners and spending entire weekends on the couch together. To be frank, I am the type of person that needs a decent amount of private time and B appreciates being able to do his thang, too. Learning how to chill out on being attached at the hip has been important. Don’t feel like you have to go everywhere together either – I’m skipping out on a camping trip B is doing with his high school buds and family, and I am trying to plan a visit to Chicago to see my college friends.
• And finally, enjoy the “Christmas morning” period. B and I are still super excited about being in a new apartment, in a new neighborhood, with seemingly unlimited time to hang out with no trip-back-to-Wisconsin looming on Sunday night. I’m loving the Christmas morning feeling I’m still getting every day when I wake up, and I hope it lasts forever – but I’m enjoying every second just in case

I hope you thought a couple of these points were informative or at least a little entertaining – I’m sure my views and advice are going to change over the next year but these tips will *definitely* help anyone about to move in with a new person, whether a significant other, new/old friends, or even a random roommate. Do you have any advice for someone living with a new roommate?